


Firsts

by Insomiak



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Firsts, M/M, NSFW, PWP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 17:33:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6575809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insomiak/pseuds/Insomiak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything with Magnus is so new, there’s just first after first, so many things Alec never thought he would think or feel.</p><p>(Or: Alec really wants to give his first blowjob).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Firsts

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Firsts](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11092329) by [radgara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/radgara/pseuds/radgara)



> Submission for [the Malec Network's](http://daddarioshum.tumblr.com/malecnetwork) April challenge on tumblr. Prompt: 'First time.' It’s sort of AU… Everything is the same except Valentine isn’t currently a problem and Izzy and Simon are together. 
> 
> Despite being nsfw, it's incredibly cheesy and romancy and fluffy. I cannot help it.
> 
> pусский: [[here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11092329)]

 

 

They left him in the van.  Alec sticks a foot against the dashboard.  They left him in the _vampire’s_ van.  Not that Alec actually thinks being left in a Downworlder’s van is any worse than being left in any van—it’s just that it’s Simon and this is just how he treats his sister’s boyfriend.  Alec folds his arms and sighs.  They left him in _Simon’s_ van.

He’s supposed to be on the lookout for demons leaving or entering the hotel.  He’s supposed to be ready for a quick get-away if things turn ugly.  What he actually _is_ is bored and wondering if it’s too needy of him to text Magnus even though he saw him all of an hour ago or if that’s alright now that they’ve been on at least one date.  He doesn’t know.  Alec knows nothing about dating.  That’s always been Izzy’s department.  Is he allowed to kiss Magnus whenever he wants to?  If he asks to?  Is Magnus ever going to kiss him?  Should he use the word ‘boyfriend’ if it’s brought up?  ‘He’s my friend’ sounds empty and worse than that it sounds like a lie.  ‘He’s my boyfriend’ sounds like he’s in some mundane after-school tv special.

It’s only been one official date but that date had been proceeded by weeks of wanting him, weeks of watching while he breaks Magnus’ heart over and over, weeks of breaking his own, weeks of sleepless nights spent with cat eyes stuck in his head and the constant, low, murmuring reminder that he’ll never get to know what it might have been like and he’ll eventually have to watch Magnus be with someone else while Alec slowly dies married to a woman he doesn’t love—

He pulls his phone out.

_Hey. You up?_

The reply doesn’t take long.  _Of course.  Is everything alright?_

 _Yeah_.  Alec thinks about Magnus’ painted, graceful fingers typing away at his phone.  Is he lying down along his couch?  Sitting at the red love-seat with a glass of whisky?  What’s he wearing?  _Everything’s fine here.  On guard duty in the van.  Bored._

_Alexander!  You’re texting me just to talk?  During a mission?_

Alone in the dark of the van, Alec feels his face break into a smile.  _I guess so.  What are you up to?_

 _I’m just about to enjoy a hot bath and some Chateau Margaux_.

His smile falls and his lips part and his fingers freeze on the phone at the mental image.  Magnus in a silk robe, sitting on the edge of his claw-foot tub with warm water slowly filling, smiling down at his phone.  Magnus naked and waiting and steam clouding the room.  Naked expect for that ear cuff maybe, or a necklace draped over his clavicle.  What colour are his nails right now?  Red; Alec remembers watching Magnus pick up a book and flip through it before he’d left his place.  They’re dark red and gripping a glass of wine, lips apart as he takes a slow drink, swallows and his adam’s apple bobs.  Magnus’s throat has always made Alec a little—

His buzzing phone snaps him out of it.

_That is a type of wine if you’re confused._

Alec stares down at the message, head hazy.

_An expensive type, knowing you._

_You’d never guess the price._

_I’m sure I don’t want to know_.  Alec bites at the inside of his mouth absently.  _How’s your bath?_

In the few minutes he has to wait for a response, he gets lost in how good it would feel to be submerged in hot water, how much more comfortable that would be than sitting cramped in the front seat of this van.  Magnus somewhere, under him or over him Alec wouldn’t care, just there.  He could go over right now, into his flat and into the bathroom and slide into the tub still in his clothes, push Magnus down against the ceramic and kiss him soundly.  He’d try to get himself out of his clothes but get stuck probably and Magnus would laugh and say ‘Slow down, Alexander,’ and help him.  He’d smile as he peels Alec’s wet clothes off.  After kissing him more Alec would stand and lift Magnus out of the tub and carry him to his bed, set him on it soaking wet and crawl between his legs, kiss him until they’re both senseless and kiss a lingering trail down his naked stomach and thighs until he’s too hard to think and suck him off, desperate and lost in it.

Alec’s head spins.  He’d spent most of his life fighting thoughts like this and it’s a little too much sometimes, now that he’s letting himself think them.  Especially because they’re about Magnus.  What would it be like?  Would would he sound like?  Would Magnus even want him to?

God, what would he _taste_ like?

_Hm… It could be better._

Alec blinks down at the text.  Is Magnus flirting?  Or is Alec just worked-up and delusional?  What should he say to keep this going?  He can’t think of anything.  His fingers stay still over the screen, mind blank.  This is not his territory; this is not something he does; for once he wishes Izzy was around to give him a bad idea. 

Giving up, he types out, ‘Enjoy yourself,’ and sends it.

Alec runs a hand through his hair.  He’s half-hard, embarrassed, and depressed.  He’s never able to be the kind of guy Magnus wants.  He never says the right thing, never does the right thing—he can’t even flirt via text.  And Alec isn’t blind.  He sees it when Magnus’ expression deflates after Alec says, or doesn’t say, something.  When he misses a mark or Magnus’s hints go over his head.

His phone buzzes.

_Easy enough.  I’ll think of you._

It’s cold out, a Fall night, but all of a sudden Alec is rushed with a hurried heat.  It booms behind his eyes and falls to the bottom of his stomach, spreading through to his hips.  Alec reads the message over and over.  _Think of me and do what?_  He wants to ask.  He gets harder.  He thinks of Magnus lying in the tub, head thrown back, his hand working on himself, slowly, methodically, a small, wicked smile on his lips.

“Fuck,” Alec whispers, hushed and harsh.

His phone buzzes again. 

 _on our way back.  all clear._  

He practically throws the door of the van open.  The night air is near freezing on his hot skin. 

_I’m heading out._

Alec breaks into a run as soon as his feet hit the pavement.  He only ever runs this fast for work.  He’s never ran to someone just because he wants to see them before.  Everything with Magnus is so new, there’s just first after first, so many things Alec never thought he would think or feel.  It’s overwhelming.  It’s _amazing_.  It’s scary, to think he almost missed it.

When he arrives at his flat Alec doesn’t bother knocking, never does anymore anyway.  He walks in, panting, and rounds the hall, looking around the main room for Magnus.  He’s not there, nothing but his bed and bookshelves to stare at.  Alec can hear the sound of water draining from a tub.  He thinks it must be too soon to walk in on him in the bathroom, so he waits.  Impatiently.  Every muscle in his body feels hot.  Alec pulls his phone out.  He wants to text Magnus that he’s here but worries that’s a little weird (read: lame) and he should probably just call out to him but he also kind of wants to text Magnus something wild like ‘waiting for you in your bed’ or ‘I can’t stop wondering what you’d feel like in my mouth.’

Alec feels his cheeks go red at that.  He puts his phone away and doesn’t say anything at all, certain again that Magnus deserves someone who’s better at this.

He slumps against the wall behind him and runs a hand through his hair for the millionth time.  Why did he come here?  What, did he think he could run over to Magnus’s and sweep him off his feet?  Really?  Alec has no idea what he’s doing.  Standing there he suddenly feels big and awkward, out of place among Magnus’s things—like an ugly dark weed in a bed of wild roses.  He should just go back to the Institute, pretend none of this happened.

“Alexander?”  Magnus’s voice is warmer, as if the bath had heated it, his tone surprised and pleasant.  Alec looks at him from across the room, his heart kicking against his ribcage.  Magnus isn’t wearing any makeup.  Alec has never seen him without it, but isn’t surprised he’s just as gorgeous either way.  The red silk robe is open long and low down his chest, embroidered with silver beads that are more than likely real, knowing Magnus.  His hair is dripping water down his neck.  The robe stops at his thighs.  Alec looks at the curves of his calves and up to his pelvis, back to his chest, his neck, and then his dark eyes.

Magnus raises his brow, probably wondering why he hasn’t said anything. “This is _very_ unexpected, Alec.  I’m barely dressed.” 

But Alec isn’t listening, isn’t registering anything except that Magnus is too far away.  He breathes out once before making his way over.  He kisses him before he even stops walking.  Alec’s knees go weak when he’s wrapped in the warm scent of bath soap and a stronger one that’s just _Magnus_.  He stumbles forwards and careful fingers catch him.  He can feel Magnus smile into the kiss.

“What’s gotten into _you_?”  Magnus says, pulled back only enough to speak.

Alec’s eyes drop to his lips and stay there.  Magnus’s mouth is perfect.  He’s stared at it enough to know.  The top is bowed and the bottom is thick and pouted, the corners turned up just slightly to give the constant implication of a soon-to-be smile.  It’s pink and smooth and would look good anywhere, doing anything—preferably to Alec.

Actually _only_ to Alec. 

He grips hard at Magnus’s hips and steps forward, walking them both towards the bed.  “You’re gorgeous,” Alec says, breathless, still locked onto his mouth.

Magnus laughs.  “Were you enjoying a night-cap in Simon’s van?”

Alec knows him well enough now to know he makes jokes when he’s unsure or uncomfortable or unhappy.  When he doesn’t want to let people in.  So he takes another step forward, moving them closer to the bed, yanks on Magnus’s silk robe and looks away from his lips and into his eyes. “I mean it.  You’re beautiful.”

Magnus’s mouth opens, but no words come out.  He only stares back at Alec.  Why does he look so in awe?  Alec can’t be the first person to tell him how stunning he is, with or without the glitter.  Magnus has been alive too long and he is honestly strikingly attractive, even if Alec is a little biased at this point.  But Alec has never seen him speechless and maybe sort of _really_ likes it, so he takes another step forwards with the intent to keep him that way.  The back of Magnus’s knees hit the bed.

“I want to try something,” Alec says, “If you don’t like it, stop me.”  He waits a beat to see if Magnus will ask him to at least explain himself—but Magnus only smiles a small, eager smile and tugs playfully at Alec’s side, pink tongue licking at his lower lip.

 _That_ has Alec rushing forwards without another thought.  Closing his eyes and tilting his head, he leans in to kiss him again.  Alec is just working out the logistics of how to get Magnus from standing at the foot of his bed to lying down on it—trying to, anyway, it’s impossible to think with Magnus’s fingers and lips pressed into him—when Magnus rolls his groin against Alec’s.

The thinness of the silk is evident.  Alec’s prolonged half-hard cock responds attentively and sends heat all the way to the back of his throat.

“Fuck.”  He sucks in a sharp breath, setting his forehead against Magnus’s.  Magnus is grinning and playing with the hair at the back of his neck.  “On the bed,” Alec pants, “Please.  Now.”

“Oh.  I don’t know…” Magnus smirks and rolls hip hips again, slowly grinding his own slow erection over Alec’s.  Alec’s whole body contracts in one giant throb and he holds in a soft moan.  “I’m enjoying this well enough.”

“ _Magnus_.”

He grins.  “Alright,” Magnus says, wrapping two arms around Alec’s neck, “I’m all yours, Alexander.  Put me wherever you want me.”

He’s asking Alec to carry him and Alec should find it ridiculous and stupid, something that happens in mundane romcoms, something he always thought he’d roll his eyes at.

Fuck it.  It’s _Magnus_ and he’s asking and Alec wants to, anyway.  He heaves the warlock up into his arms, one arm under his knees and the other under his back, and cannot look at him as he does so.  Magnus is still grinning, only wider; Alec can feel it.  He walks them to the long end of the bed and lays Magnus down, gently, his face turning red. 

“You really did it,” Magnus says, propping himself up on his elbows with a wistful smile.  It falls slightly when Alec just stands there, not moving.  “Come _here_ , I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

It’s not that.  He isn’t embarrassed at all.  It’s just another first, this one a little overwhelming.  He wants to do whatever will make Magnus happy, even in _bed_ , and Alec has never thought about making someone happy like that before.  Pressing his lips together in anxious anticipation, Alec slides onto the mattress.

He needs to figure out how Magnus likes it.  He needs to know if Magnus will like Alec giving him head.  He needs to know if he’ll like giving it to Magnus just as much as he hopes Magnus likes getting it.

Alec crawls on top of him and goes for his neck, because he thinks Magnus would probably like it slow.  He takes his time with everything he does—there’s no reason it wouldn’t be that way here, too.  Alec hasn’t ever kissed anyone’s neck before.  He starts at the long tendon to the left, up near Magnus’s jaw.  There’s a fluttering sigh in his ears as Alec eases his mouth along the sting of muscle.  Reactionary, he falls down completely onto Magnus.  The bathrobe slips up his thighs and Alec can feel it, bare knees bending to help Alec sink down further.  It’s only been one press of his mouth—the first, _another_ first—and Alec is already beyond taken in.

He leans a little to the left and brings a hand to the side of Magnus’s face, trepidation flowing through the action, holding his head as he moves down his neck.  When he gets halfway down the long cord Alec stays.  He mouths at the warm, soft skin of Magnus’s throat and it feels so good under his lips Alec’s mind blanks out and he’s suddenly just kissing, his world is suddenly just Magnus, everything else disappearing except Magnus’s small, desperate gasps and the uncontrolled way he keeps rising his hips to meet Alec’s.  Alec breathes out against his neck and lets his own hips grind down with the falling breath.  Magnus makes a noise so soft it’s barely above the sound of their legs moving over the bedsheets—but Alec hears it.  It’s muted and wanting and he’d _caused_ it. 

Another first—Alec has never made anyone… He’s never been reacted to like this before.

He’s never seen Magnus so pliant.  He’s seen Magnus open and receptive and knows he’s not that way with everyone, but right now he’s wound up and under Alec and his hands are grasping at Alec’s hips like he’s holding on for his life.  Alec lifts his head heavy and then the rest of himself away from Magnus, moving down along him, sitting back.  The robe is pulled up well past his thighs by now and Alec can feel Magnus’s bare cock against him.  His head spins for a disorientating moment.

He’s never even _seen_ another man’s dick and now he has one under him.  How does he always end up getting himself into these situations?  Alec had no intention of doing this tonight.  Magnus always seems to bring out his impulsive side. 

Or maybe it’s that Magnus stops him from making up reasons why he shouldn’t go after what he really wants. 

“We don’t have to do this,” Magnus is saying, probably because Alec hasn’t moved or spoken in too long.  “You don’t need to do this.  If you’re doing it because you think I’m unhappy with our current—”

Alec lays a hand over the tie of Magnus’s robe and undoes it, parting the silk.  He watches the fabric glide delicately over Magnus’ chest and nipples and forces down a thick moan.  His darker skin appearing after the red silk in the dark room, them alone and breathing together, that Alec feels so safe and welcome, it’s all too much and exactly everything he needs, all at once.

Magnus is watching him watching Magnus’s bare chest and Alec wants to hide from that awed expression, twice in an hour, but won’t let himself.  He can’t speak, though.  He is all out of words, out of the kind of energy.  Talking has never come easy to him.

Instead, Alec shrugs his jacket off, locking eyes with Magnus.  He’s just reaching down for the bottom of his black t-shirt when Magnus sits up in a rush.  His naked and fully erect cock grinds into Alec’s ass with the shift, bewildering and unexpected on both their parts, and if Magnus hadn’t just grabbed at the hem of Alec’s shirt, keeping him still, Alec would be moving back to make it happen again.  

Magnus bites his bottom lip between a thrilled grin and apprehension.  “Can I take your shirt off?” 

And really?  He’s _asking_?  What did Alec ever do to deserve someone who was both a demon—literally and metaphorically—and a gentleman?  Not that consent isn’t important, but Alec is pretty sure he’s given Magnus at least a hundred green lights. 

He answers by moving closer, making sure to miss, just barely, grinding down on Magnus’s cock.  Desire flares up in his face and his cat’s eyes show themselves, Magnus drawing in a quick breath at the near contact.  He slips his fingers under Alec’s shirt.  They’re just as intricate and clever as they look.  As he pulls the black shirt up over his head, Magnus drags and presses all over his stomach and sides, sending a thousand small signals to Alec’s nerves.  When he gets to his chest, Magnus lets his fingertips drag over his nipples. 

The overstimulation is reverberating; Alec still feels Magnus’s fingers on his skin even when he’s busy tossing the shirt away.

Alec just sits there for a moment, _wanting_ him, realizing he’s been wanting him all night and longer.  Magnus sets the tips of his fingers back on Alec’s chest.  Stares.  His lips part.  Alec watches them, wonders what they’d feel like kissing his chest, kissing his neck, saying things he’d never thought he’d ever hear.  More firsts.  A whole lifetime of them.

He hopes.

Alec pushes Magnus onto his back and this time, when he moves himself down Magnus’s body, he’s sure to grind his clothed erection over Magnus’s bare one with intent.  His hips shake as he does it.  Magnus’s hands find his hair.

Alec begins kissing a path down between his pectorals, down his long torso, down to his pelvis.  He stops to kiss his hips because he’s watched them so many times and hadn’t known he wanted to kiss them until now but he does, he does and he lets himself, lets go of the guilt that comes with wanting him, collapsing down into Magnus’ lower body with a strained, keening sigh he doesn’t recognize as his own.  Magnus’s hips move up only slightly.  Alec grips at them to keep him pressed into the bed.  His cock is right there—just a few inches away.  He’s so hot his head is burning, a bright white light blaring his mind blank as he moves his mouth slowly from Magnus’s hips to his groin.  Alec rubs his lips just next to the skin surrounding his cock.  He doesn’t mean for it to, but his jaw brushes at the base of it.

The gasp that sounds from Magnus’s lips is louder then.  Panting he says, “Alexander.  You’re a _tease_.” 

He isn’t trying to be, not really, but he does like the idea.  “So are you,” he replies.  Before Magnus can say anything back, Alec tilts his head to the side and places an experimental kiss to the base of his cock.  Magnus tries to roll his hips but Alec keeps them held down still, moving his mouth up only a little, feeling the friction between his lips and the hot skin under them.

Magnus curses in something foreign.

Slowly, Alec glides his mouth all the way up one side of Magnus’s cock, moving away as he reaches the tip.  Once he’s hovering over it he _stares_.  He’s absolutely helpless to stop and wouldn’t want to anyway.  It’s long and thick, a bit darker than the rest of Magnus, and the head is rounded where Alec’s is longer.  There’s a vein protruding up the side.  He lets his eyes run up and down it.  He thinks about kissing along it and is doing so before he realizes, his body simply reacting.

The hands in his hair tighten.  Alec lets the tip of his tongue slip out to trail down along the vein.  Magnus’s body contorts under him, his chest rising and his hips moving again—this time Alec lets them.  He takes a breath and slips his tongue the rest of the way out, licking up the vein in a gradual, careful way he hopes makes Magnus moan again.

It does.  Alec can’t help the smirk that grows on his face.  Once more, he moves away just before touching the tip.

“ _Tease_ ,” Magnus pants, “You’re—”

Off-beat and off-kilter intentionally, Alec dives down and takes as much of Magnus into his mouth as he can.  It’s not all of him—not yet—but Magnus groans and fingernails dig into Alec’s head and the smell of sweat and bath soap fills his nostrils.  He has never done this.  It finally dawns on Alec that he really doesn’t know _how_ to do this.  A few basic things are intuitive: careful with the teeth, for example.  His head’s a mess but he thinks of what _he’d_ like, what would feel good on himself.

He grabs the base of Magnus’s cock and moves his mouth up to the tip.  He kisses it and flicks his tongue out, licking down at the head.  Magnus’s fingers spread out in his hair, going limp for a moment before gripping again. Taking that as a good sign Alec keeps licking, kissing tenderly and retracting his tongue every time a soft, quiet moan escapes Magnus.  His own heart is hammering in his chest as he massages the head of his cock with his mouth.  It feels surreal.  Alec moves back down to take the rest of Magnus into his mouth again; but this time he adds pressure, sucking in only slightly.  As he moves up, the insides of his cheeks rubs against Magnus’s cock.  The heavy weight of him in Alec’s mouth is _enthralling_.  The sounds Magnus makes are better, unearthly, so quiet but keening and high and overwrought and frantic.

Alec fingers at his balls, because he likes that on himself and because it’s another first and he _keeps_ doing it because when he does, Magnus shifts downward on the bed, trying to get more of Alec’s mouth and hands.  Alec moves upward on his cock and gently sucks at the head.  Pulling away completely, he presses the end of his tongue to the tip, pushing down and twisting it and following again with his lips, wrapping them around the head.  He wants all of him in his mouth again so bad Alec is shaking.  He shifts his torso and legs for better leverage and moves his hands from Magnus’s hips, closer to his backside.

“ _Alexander_.”

The way Magnus says his name is venereal and depraved and shameless.  Behind it, Alec can still hear the way Magnus usually says it, sonorous and affectionate.  He’s losing his mind, having Magnus like this, doing this to him, being in his _bed_ , the hot feel of his cock pressed against his tongue.

A lurid surge of heat and fondness rakes up his back, sending his spinal cord into a shivering mess.  Alec breathes out against Magnus’s pelvis.  He drags his lips up his cock and down it and back up again, letting his mouth catch on the edge of the head.  He grips the base again, pressing in hard and then gentle.  Magnus’s mouth is open, more silent moans and sharp gasps filling the otherwise quiet room. 

He tugs roughly at Alec’s hair.  Alec looks up, mouth wrapped around his cock, directly into vibrant cat’s eyes.  _Magnus’s_ eyes.  What Alec thinks of his ‘normal’ ones is just a glamour.  These green eyes with vertical pupils—those are Magnus.

He probably meant to warn Alec with that tug.  Alec doesn’t care anyway.  Magnus’s hands press into his head, his hips raise off the mattress, his eyes fall shut and Alec’s heart positively _races_ , excitement coursing through him.  He moves down and up, licking at the tip again before taking his whole cock in, gripping the base and gliding his tongue around it and then without warning Magnus is coming in Alec’s mouth with a shattering groan. 

It’s the loudest he’s been.  With words, anyway.  Magnus had been shouting with his body.

Alec swallows the cum with an ease he’s sure he shouldn’t be capable of.  It’s bitter but he doesn’t care.  It’s unbelievably hot and he’s pretty sure he’s going to masturbate in the shower for months, just thinking about the fact that Magnus came into his mouth, that he’d swallowed Magnus’s cum, that Alec had his dick in his mouth—

That he still does.  It’s limp but heavy and warm. 

“Come here,” Magnus says, breathless, “Alexander.” 

He moves his mouth off of Magnus, lingering in a few places, watching Magnus shiver.  Wiping his mouth, Alec sits back on his legs.

“No,” Magnus says, grabbing his forearms and dragging Alec to him, “Come here.  _Right_ here.”  He pulls Alec down until they’re nose-to-nose, chest-to-chest, Alec’s still-hard cock pressing into a flaccid one.  Magnus’s grip had been weak.  Alec can feel his legs quiver on and off, leftover waves from the orgasm.  And holy hell he’d just given Magnus an _orgasm_ — “You…” Magnus is smiling and his bright green eyes search him.  He brings fingers up to touch Alec’s lips, red and swollen and wet.  “ _You’re_ the gorgeous one.  Do you know that?” 

Out of all the things Magnus might have said after Alec sucked him off, he was not expecting that.

Heat rises to his cheeks and he opens his mouth.  But Alec can’t reply.  He doesn’t know how to.  Magnus is the attractive one, Magnus is the experienced one, Magnus is the one with the open heart.  He keeps loving even though his whole life has been full of an infectious hate that should have ruined him.  He loves so earnestly.  So honestly.

Alec is afraid to say it, to give it a name, but there is another first, lingering patiently in the oceans of his mind.

“If you give me a moment to recover from that,” Magnus says, tracing a finger from Alec’s lips to his jawline, then pressing a palm over his hurrying heart, “I would like to return the favour.”

For some reason, Alec had never considered that this would end up there.  That Magnus would give as much as he was given.  That he would _want_ to.

All of his thoughts that evening start running through his head in a contorted, complicated pile and his words cross over, tumbling out in a heap.  “You’re my first,” is what Alec says.  His first what, he doesn’t know.  First kiss, first blowjob, first specific late-night fantasy, first boyfriend if they’re using that word, first major disappointment to his parents, first time he didn’t give a shit about disappointing his parents, first unintentional smile, first thing he thinks about in the morning, first time he’s gone after something he wants, first date, first _everything_.

Magnus seems to see through all the confusion.  He presses his forehead up and against Alec’s.  The whole room zones in on just them, the walls of the apartment melting away into an obscurity Alec is content to leave behind.  Up this close, he can see all the converging lines of brown and yellow scattered among the green of his real eyes.

“You’re my first too,” Magnus says, his eyes closing.  Alec can’t imagine what he means.  He’s been alive too long.  There was Camille, and he knows there were others.  Magnus says, “You’re the first time it’s mattered.”

His eyes snap open and just as Alec starts to process what that might mean, Magnus is turning them around and pressing him into the bed.

He’ll think about it later.  He’ll ask Magnus about it later.  For now, Alec wants to find out what another first with Magnus is like.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I read a line in a gifset that was something like ‘Alec wasn’t his first kiss, but the first that mattered.’ I don’t know if it’s from the books or what—but that’s my disclaimer.
> 
> My tumblr:「[x](http://chairmanmeow-and-church.tumblr.com/)」


End file.
